So I pray for calm and then when calm comes....I have no idea what to do with myself. Isn't that just typical.
A massive change has just happened and we're still all in transition - and I think shock. The flowers from the funeral are still blooming in my living room, and I'm wondering about what's coming next.
Not just what bad things are coming (I'm not that pessimistic), but what positive changes might be on their way as well.
I'm antsy. Maybe I don't really want this to sink in fully, I'm not sure. The thing we all feared would happen has now actually happened and there's a void there now. There's a void in the fabric of my life and my family, and a void internally - in my own mind. A concern that was ever present is no longer there.
I don't know what to do with that void. I want to fill it immediately, with life, with work...with something. To be in it feels awkward - like I'm still holding my breath in anticipation. I feel uncomfortable. I should be doing something. What should I be doing? I'm trying to anticipate what comes next, but I don't know.
I'm tired and yet I can't sit still. I'm not ready to be back at work yet, but I don't know what to do with myself at home. I feel like I've been stopped in my tracks, sort of like I'm frozen in a moment in time and I don't know how to respond to the stillness. There's a pause before my life continues on its way, and I am holding my breath instead of breathing into it.
Wednesday, March 14, 2012
Monday, March 12, 2012
Landmines
Grief is a sneaky and unpredictable thing. I've heard it described as a landmine, and I think that is so apt.
You're walking along, thinking things are okay, and then....KABOOM!! It hits you and you are shaken and blown into a million scattered pieces.
I started my day today thinking that we would get back into our routines. My daughter would go to school, my husband to work, and I to teach my students tonight. I felt like I had cried and grieved with the family and that my heart was at peace and I was ready to move on.
Riiiiight.
I had a long talk on the phone with a girlfriend this morning and worked through a few things, then I drove my husband to work and we talked some more, and then I took my dog out for a walk. Here's where I should have suspected that something wasn't quite right. First, I couldn't decide where to walk her. Nothing seemed appealing. Then, I felt weary, deep in my bones. I brushed it away and decided it would do me good to get some fresh air.
The sun was bright and the sky was clear. The snow was melting into little rivers flowing down into the drains in the pavement. I could hear birds singing, and yet I felt like my bones were made of stone. "Keep walking" I told myself. "The sun will revive you." But every step made me feel more and more tired.
I finished my walk and returned home to prepare for my work. I made a cup of tea and sat down to work on some student evaluation forms. At one point, I realized that I wouldn't be finished them for tonight, so I put them aside and started to collect my teaching materials and get myself ready to leave. I had a hard time trying to figure out what I needed to do first. Which books did I need? What was I going to wear? Did I need to do my hair? I wandered back and forth from room to room not really knowing what I was doing. Then I got a text. "Mom, I'm not feeling well. I need my mom."
I know I am not the first parent, nor will I be the last parent, to have to deal with a sick or grieving child while still holding down a job, but this text message, and the series of texts back and forth after it, sent me into a tailspin. And then...KABOOM. I stepped on the landmine.
As I stood in my studio desperately trying to get my head to work, the explosion happened and the tears started to flow.
"Great..." I thought. "How am I supposed to work in this state?"
So I called a dear friend and said ""What do I do?"
His response? "You know what to do."
And I did know what I wanted to do, what I had to do, I just didn't want to do it.
I called into work in tears and explained that I wouldn't be in tonight and could they please contact all of my students. I felt like a jerk. Not only was I not going to be there, I gave very little notice, and left the job of calling my students to the receptionist at the school. Probably not in her job description. I felt that I'd let everyone down.
Guilt is a horrible feeling. So is feeling trapped between a rock and a hard place. Either I disappoint my students or I disappoint my family.
Then I called another friend. (I have amazing friends by the way!) Again, I was in tears. "I feel like an asshole!" I said.
This was basically her response. "You are not an asshole. Stop saying that. You are grieving. And your feelings of guilt at this situation are because you are a conscientious person. Stop beating yourself up. When you're eighty-five years old and on your deathbed, you won't even remember those people that you worked for at the school, but you will remember your family. So focus on what and who is important and be gentle with yourself."
I'm trying. I don't know how to do this. What I want is to just buck up and be strong for everyone else, but I can't. I have to go through this to get to the other side where I hope I will find my strength. And when I find that, then I think I will be able to be strong for my family. I hope.
You're walking along, thinking things are okay, and then....KABOOM!! It hits you and you are shaken and blown into a million scattered pieces.
I started my day today thinking that we would get back into our routines. My daughter would go to school, my husband to work, and I to teach my students tonight. I felt like I had cried and grieved with the family and that my heart was at peace and I was ready to move on.
Riiiiight.
I had a long talk on the phone with a girlfriend this morning and worked through a few things, then I drove my husband to work and we talked some more, and then I took my dog out for a walk. Here's where I should have suspected that something wasn't quite right. First, I couldn't decide where to walk her. Nothing seemed appealing. Then, I felt weary, deep in my bones. I brushed it away and decided it would do me good to get some fresh air.
The sun was bright and the sky was clear. The snow was melting into little rivers flowing down into the drains in the pavement. I could hear birds singing, and yet I felt like my bones were made of stone. "Keep walking" I told myself. "The sun will revive you." But every step made me feel more and more tired.
I finished my walk and returned home to prepare for my work. I made a cup of tea and sat down to work on some student evaluation forms. At one point, I realized that I wouldn't be finished them for tonight, so I put them aside and started to collect my teaching materials and get myself ready to leave. I had a hard time trying to figure out what I needed to do first. Which books did I need? What was I going to wear? Did I need to do my hair? I wandered back and forth from room to room not really knowing what I was doing. Then I got a text. "Mom, I'm not feeling well. I need my mom."
I know I am not the first parent, nor will I be the last parent, to have to deal with a sick or grieving child while still holding down a job, but this text message, and the series of texts back and forth after it, sent me into a tailspin. And then...KABOOM. I stepped on the landmine.
As I stood in my studio desperately trying to get my head to work, the explosion happened and the tears started to flow.
"Great..." I thought. "How am I supposed to work in this state?"
So I called a dear friend and said ""What do I do?"
His response? "You know what to do."
And I did know what I wanted to do, what I had to do, I just didn't want to do it.
I called into work in tears and explained that I wouldn't be in tonight and could they please contact all of my students. I felt like a jerk. Not only was I not going to be there, I gave very little notice, and left the job of calling my students to the receptionist at the school. Probably not in her job description. I felt that I'd let everyone down.
Guilt is a horrible feeling. So is feeling trapped between a rock and a hard place. Either I disappoint my students or I disappoint my family.
Then I called another friend. (I have amazing friends by the way!) Again, I was in tears. "I feel like an asshole!" I said.
This was basically her response. "You are not an asshole. Stop saying that. You are grieving. And your feelings of guilt at this situation are because you are a conscientious person. Stop beating yourself up. When you're eighty-five years old and on your deathbed, you won't even remember those people that you worked for at the school, but you will remember your family. So focus on what and who is important and be gentle with yourself."
I'm trying. I don't know how to do this. What I want is to just buck up and be strong for everyone else, but I can't. I have to go through this to get to the other side where I hope I will find my strength. And when I find that, then I think I will be able to be strong for my family. I hope.
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Today we said farewell to my mother-in-law in an emotional, funny, touching, soulful and uplifting ceremony.
It's difficult to put into words my experience in that hall in North Edmonton today. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs I think it is right to say that God/Great Spirit/Creator was there today. That hall was filled with so much love and genuine caring that I felt it wrap around me and enfold me like a cozy blanket.
I am so grateful to have been a part of it.
Many years ago when my mother-in-law was living with us in Vancouver and looking after our daughter, she told me that she wanted me to sing at her funeral. "I want you to sing the Pie Jesu." It's a stunningly simple piece from a Requiem Mass written by Gabriel Faure. After her passing, as the family was discussing what to do at her funeral, my husband brought it up that this was her wish. And from that moment on it had been a question mark hanging over my head. Should I sing? Will I be ABLE to sing? I want to sing, but what if I can't do it? This morning when I got to the hall, I felt it in my bones and deep in my core that I needed to sing. Not just to fulfill a promise, but simply because it was something I needed to do.
Now you have to understand that I haven't truly sung in two years - not since before we moved back to Edmonton. The last time I sang was in the summer of 2010 and aside from demonstrating vocal exercises to my students, I haven't sung since. The occasional ditty in the shower perhaps, but not "real" singing.
So today I sang, and I poured my heart into that song. It was a powerful experience.
As we were driving home today after the funeral and I was ruminating about the day and my experience of it, I started to cry. At our last visit together, just her and I, she told me she thought that her son and I were going to "strike it big". She believed in us. I don't know if she was right, but today as I sang for her I reconnected with a part of myself that had been lying dormant for a couple of years and it was "big". Out of all this sadness and loss I am so grateful for this powerful and profound experience. Somehow, even though I didn't know it, it was as if she seemed to know that singing was what I'd need. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, singers gotta sing.
If she could have chosen, I think she would have happily married her son to an Aboriginal woman, not because of a disdain for other cultures, but because the truth is that there are ways of being and doing that one takes for granted when you are around others that share your culture. There is an ease in not having to explain things. But she got me instead - a white woman of Scandinavian heritage. So she shared her culture with me and she and I bonded over our shared values for social justice, political awareness and the deep belief in the ongoing struggle for women's equality. I believe that these shared values went a long way towards bridging that culture gap.
In my culture, we have a word - Sisu. It is an important and defining characteristic of the Finnish people. It's hard to define but I have a coffee cup with the following words on it that I think define it quite well:
My mother-in-law had all of these attributes in spades. Perhaps that's another reason her and I connected so well and understood each other.
So although I return home after today's ceremony feeling spent and wrung out, I am also uplifted and I feel very blessed to have been surrounded by the love and emotional support of a warm and closely knit family - both my husband's and my own. And I'm so glad to have known this formidable and fantastic woman. I will miss her so very much.
It's difficult to put into words my experience in that hall in North Edmonton today. No matter what your religious or spiritual beliefs I think it is right to say that God/Great Spirit/Creator was there today. That hall was filled with so much love and genuine caring that I felt it wrap around me and enfold me like a cozy blanket.
I am so grateful to have been a part of it.
Many years ago when my mother-in-law was living with us in Vancouver and looking after our daughter, she told me that she wanted me to sing at her funeral. "I want you to sing the Pie Jesu." It's a stunningly simple piece from a Requiem Mass written by Gabriel Faure. After her passing, as the family was discussing what to do at her funeral, my husband brought it up that this was her wish. And from that moment on it had been a question mark hanging over my head. Should I sing? Will I be ABLE to sing? I want to sing, but what if I can't do it? This morning when I got to the hall, I felt it in my bones and deep in my core that I needed to sing. Not just to fulfill a promise, but simply because it was something I needed to do.
Now you have to understand that I haven't truly sung in two years - not since before we moved back to Edmonton. The last time I sang was in the summer of 2010 and aside from demonstrating vocal exercises to my students, I haven't sung since. The occasional ditty in the shower perhaps, but not "real" singing.
So today I sang, and I poured my heart into that song. It was a powerful experience.
As we were driving home today after the funeral and I was ruminating about the day and my experience of it, I started to cry. At our last visit together, just her and I, she told me she thought that her son and I were going to "strike it big". She believed in us. I don't know if she was right, but today as I sang for her I reconnected with a part of myself that had been lying dormant for a couple of years and it was "big". Out of all this sadness and loss I am so grateful for this powerful and profound experience. Somehow, even though I didn't know it, it was as if she seemed to know that singing was what I'd need. Fish gotta swim, birds gotta fly, singers gotta sing.
If she could have chosen, I think she would have happily married her son to an Aboriginal woman, not because of a disdain for other cultures, but because the truth is that there are ways of being and doing that one takes for granted when you are around others that share your culture. There is an ease in not having to explain things. But she got me instead - a white woman of Scandinavian heritage. So she shared her culture with me and she and I bonded over our shared values for social justice, political awareness and the deep belief in the ongoing struggle for women's equality. I believe that these shared values went a long way towards bridging that culture gap.
In my culture, we have a word - Sisu. It is an important and defining characteristic of the Finnish people. It's hard to define but I have a coffee cup with the following words on it that I think define it quite well:
Persistence, stubbornness, determination, perseverance, guts, courage, spirit, resolve, tenacity, and steadfastness.
My mother-in-law had all of these attributes in spades. Perhaps that's another reason her and I connected so well and understood each other.
So although I return home after today's ceremony feeling spent and wrung out, I am also uplifted and I feel very blessed to have been surrounded by the love and emotional support of a warm and closely knit family - both my husband's and my own. And I'm so glad to have known this formidable and fantastic woman. I will miss her so very much.
Thursday, December 15, 2011
Making a shift
Wow. Well, it's been a LONG time since I've sat down to write. Life gets too crazy sometimes.
Finally the pace of my life caught up to me and my body said "ENOUGH!" In other words, I got sick. I'm in my recovery period now and I always find that after I've been sick enough to slow the hell down, my life shifts a little.
So I sat down to get a few thoughts off my mind and came across a few blog entries that I had started and never finished. Wow. The things I was thinking about a few months ago are coming to focus again.
This is from an entry started in the summer....
"Our latest drama is we're buying a house! Exciting? Yes. Stressful? Also yes.
Why is it that even good changes make us stressed?
I just spent three days in one of the most beautiful places on earth - Jasper National Park. I had a lovely time. I relaxed for the first time in ages and yet when I returned home, the stress came back. It felt weird to not have stress. It was like my brain sought out something to be worried about. I have become habituated to stress and worry.
How many other feelings do we experience out of force of habit? Habit is a very powerful thing. Have you ever driven home from work with a distracted mind and got home not remembering anything about the drive? It was as if you were on auto-pilot? I think many of us do this more often than we know. We have habituated certain behaviours and we don't even realize we're doing them."
Three or four months later and my brain is still in the process of making the shift. The major stressors in my life are finally gone. It's hard to grasp. I'm still living my life in quasi-crisis mode, just waiting for the other shoe to fall. My consciousness hasn't caught up with my new reality yet.
So what am I doing about it? Nothing. I spent several fruitless days (okay, weeks) trying to snap from one reality into a new one, but it wasn't working. My logical mind knew that the stress was over and now I should be getting on with the business of creating my life, but how? What to do? I had no clue. And that frustrated the hell out me! I hate sitting still. So I pushed. Instead of allowing myself to transition gracefully and slowly into a new reality and give myself time to think about what I wanted my future to look like, I tried to make something come to mind. Well, that's about as productive as standing over a flower and shouting "grow dammit!"
Finally the pace of my life caught up to me and my body said "ENOUGH!" In other words, I got sick. I'm in my recovery period now and I always find that after I've been sick enough to slow the hell down, my life shifts a little.
So I sat down to get a few thoughts off my mind and came across a few blog entries that I had started and never finished. Wow. The things I was thinking about a few months ago are coming to focus again.
This is from an entry started in the summer....
"Our latest drama is we're buying a house! Exciting? Yes. Stressful? Also yes.
Why is it that even good changes make us stressed?
I just spent three days in one of the most beautiful places on earth - Jasper National Park. I had a lovely time. I relaxed for the first time in ages and yet when I returned home, the stress came back. It felt weird to not have stress. It was like my brain sought out something to be worried about. I have become habituated to stress and worry.
How many other feelings do we experience out of force of habit? Habit is a very powerful thing. Have you ever driven home from work with a distracted mind and got home not remembering anything about the drive? It was as if you were on auto-pilot? I think many of us do this more often than we know. We have habituated certain behaviours and we don't even realize we're doing them."
Three or four months later and my brain is still in the process of making the shift. The major stressors in my life are finally gone. It's hard to grasp. I'm still living my life in quasi-crisis mode, just waiting for the other shoe to fall. My consciousness hasn't caught up with my new reality yet.
So what am I doing about it? Nothing. I spent several fruitless days (okay, weeks) trying to snap from one reality into a new one, but it wasn't working. My logical mind knew that the stress was over and now I should be getting on with the business of creating my life, but how? What to do? I had no clue. And that frustrated the hell out me! I hate sitting still. So I pushed. Instead of allowing myself to transition gracefully and slowly into a new reality and give myself time to think about what I wanted my future to look like, I tried to make something come to mind. Well, that's about as productive as standing over a flower and shouting "grow dammit!"
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Lessons learned from dog training
A few days ago a musician acquaintance who is my friend on Facebook posted that she was considering getting a puppy and was looking for feedback. I freely shared my experience with her and posted that having a puppy was like having a baby - a lot of work! A few posts later, one of her friends made the comment that having a puppy was nothing like having a baby - you can't leave a baby in a crate for a few hours! Aside from the fact that she totally missed the point I was trying to make about the amount of work required, I still maintain that puppies and babies have a lot in common. In fact, I think I would go so far as to say that the dog training I have done recently has given me a lot to think about in my dealings with my daughter, and with other human beings as well.
Fifteen years ago when we got our first puppy, we took him to puppy classes. I remember in those classes the focus on establishing yourself as the "alpha" of the pack. Usually this was achieved by things such as throwing him on his back and staring him down until he did the doggy equivalent of saying "uncle". It was about a show of strength and by belittling or demeaning your dog. I was never very good at it.
Times have changed. We now have a new dog - Riley. We adopted her from the Humane Society as an adult dog several months ago and enrolled her in obedience training. I am proud to say that she is a recent graduate of the "Feisty Fido" class. This class was designed especially for dogs like her with excitability issues and I have to say, it's been a revelation.
In this class we have learned to build a positive trust relationship with our dogs. The word "alpha" or dominant have never come up in class. It's all about positive reinforcement and negative punishment. But the negative punishment isn't what you might think - essentially, the punishment is the lack of positive reward. No belittling, no power struggles.
How would parenting be different if we applied this principle? Or even our interactions with other adults? Instead of jockeying for position, what if we sought to build a trust relationship and perhaps even show real leadership?
I've had an issue in my life that has been slowly developing over the course of several months. Last week, this issue came to a head. There was a boundary that had been crossed and there was a need to assert myself. Although I tried to handle this situation with as much grace as I could and to still allow the other party their dignity, I'm not sure I achieved that goal. I have heard that the person that I stood up to was contrite. Not exactly what I was hoping for. Why is it so difficult with some people? They behave like a dog baring its teeth and jockeying for a higher position and when they are shown the boundary, they put their tail between their legs. I think, "why are you trying to pull this dominance business on me?" I'd much rather continue to build the relationship and the trust bond than to throw you down and take the piss out of you.
Are there dogs and people that don't respond to a reasonable approach? Or is just that my technique still rough?
I'd like to believe the latter is true. I remember reading once that the first rule of dog training is be smarter than the dog. Perhaps this is true with people too.
Fifteen years ago when we got our first puppy, we took him to puppy classes. I remember in those classes the focus on establishing yourself as the "alpha" of the pack. Usually this was achieved by things such as throwing him on his back and staring him down until he did the doggy equivalent of saying "uncle". It was about a show of strength and by belittling or demeaning your dog. I was never very good at it.
Times have changed. We now have a new dog - Riley. We adopted her from the Humane Society as an adult dog several months ago and enrolled her in obedience training. I am proud to say that she is a recent graduate of the "Feisty Fido" class. This class was designed especially for dogs like her with excitability issues and I have to say, it's been a revelation.
In this class we have learned to build a positive trust relationship with our dogs. The word "alpha" or dominant have never come up in class. It's all about positive reinforcement and negative punishment. But the negative punishment isn't what you might think - essentially, the punishment is the lack of positive reward. No belittling, no power struggles.
How would parenting be different if we applied this principle? Or even our interactions with other adults? Instead of jockeying for position, what if we sought to build a trust relationship and perhaps even show real leadership?
I've had an issue in my life that has been slowly developing over the course of several months. Last week, this issue came to a head. There was a boundary that had been crossed and there was a need to assert myself. Although I tried to handle this situation with as much grace as I could and to still allow the other party their dignity, I'm not sure I achieved that goal. I have heard that the person that I stood up to was contrite. Not exactly what I was hoping for. Why is it so difficult with some people? They behave like a dog baring its teeth and jockeying for a higher position and when they are shown the boundary, they put their tail between their legs. I think, "why are you trying to pull this dominance business on me?" I'd much rather continue to build the relationship and the trust bond than to throw you down and take the piss out of you.
Are there dogs and people that don't respond to a reasonable approach? Or is just that my technique still rough?
I'd like to believe the latter is true. I remember reading once that the first rule of dog training is be smarter than the dog. Perhaps this is true with people too.
Sunday, July 10, 2011
101 in 1001
A couple of weeks ago on a Monday morning my husband and I awoke, showered and got dressed so we could attend the funeral of our friend's mother. She was only 63.
After the funeral, we got into our vehicle and drove home. Both of our hearts were heavy. We both understood all too well the family's feeling of loss.
This year I have seen the death of my father-in-law, and it seems that every time I turn around I hear of the death of another friend's parent. This makes me incredibly sad for my friends and grateful that I still have both of my parents. The deaths that have been in my circle of friends feels like a whisper from the universe – “pay attention”. As Oprah Winfrey says, when you don’t listen to the whispers, they turn into shouts, and then one day you find the universe kicking you upside of the head. Something drastic happens and you have no choice but to pay attention.
Finally this death prompted me to start paying attention. Something changed. Maybe I was inspired by this woman's determination to change her life in spite of her age and circumstances. Or maybe I'd just reached my limit - I don't know. But when we drove home that day I had decided that I wasn't going to let my life just keep on floating past me. The end comes too swiftly, and we never really know when it will be our turn.
It's way too easy to get caught up in our own busy-ness. At least it is for me. But when the crunch comes, we make time to be with our friends and family in their time of need. Why do we wait until the end to do this?
So I made a vow to myself that I would make a change. I don’t want to wait for “someday”. Although I think that I will likely have many more years with all of my loved ones, I don’t know that for sure. And what if I’m wrong? Are there things I want to do or to say? Yes!
As we drove home I said to my husband, "I want to go on that river canoe trip with my dad that we've always talked about. I want to do it this summer." His response was simple. "Do it."
After I came home and went about my day, these thoughts continued to rumbling around in my head. What experiences am I putting off? What memories do I wish to create? And why am I waiting?
So I sat down and started a “bucket list” – ie. things I want to do before I kick the bucket. Then I remembered the list my friend Jeanine wrote up. It was 101 things to do in 1001 days, because "someday" is too nebulous.
Here it is.
After the funeral, we got into our vehicle and drove home. Both of our hearts were heavy. We both understood all too well the family's feeling of loss.
This year I have seen the death of my father-in-law, and it seems that every time I turn around I hear of the death of another friend's parent. This makes me incredibly sad for my friends and grateful that I still have both of my parents. The deaths that have been in my circle of friends feels like a whisper from the universe – “pay attention”. As Oprah Winfrey says, when you don’t listen to the whispers, they turn into shouts, and then one day you find the universe kicking you upside of the head. Something drastic happens and you have no choice but to pay attention.
Finally this death prompted me to start paying attention. Something changed. Maybe I was inspired by this woman's determination to change her life in spite of her age and circumstances. Or maybe I'd just reached my limit - I don't know. But when we drove home that day I had decided that I wasn't going to let my life just keep on floating past me. The end comes too swiftly, and we never really know when it will be our turn.
It's way too easy to get caught up in our own busy-ness. At least it is for me. But when the crunch comes, we make time to be with our friends and family in their time of need. Why do we wait until the end to do this?
So I made a vow to myself that I would make a change. I don’t want to wait for “someday”. Although I think that I will likely have many more years with all of my loved ones, I don’t know that for sure. And what if I’m wrong? Are there things I want to do or to say? Yes!
As we drove home I said to my husband, "I want to go on that river canoe trip with my dad that we've always talked about. I want to do it this summer." His response was simple. "Do it."
After I came home and went about my day, these thoughts continued to rumbling around in my head. What experiences am I putting off? What memories do I wish to create? And why am I waiting?
So I sat down and started a “bucket list” – ie. things I want to do before I kick the bucket. Then I remembered the list my friend Jeanine wrote up. It was 101 things to do in 1001 days, because "someday" is too nebulous.
Here it is.
- Learn how to spin wool
- Buy a house
- Take a canoe trip down the
- Travel to
- See a musical on Broadway
- See an opera at the Met
- Have high tea at Rutherford House
- Do an overnight trail ride
- Have high tea at the Empress in
- Have high tea at the Hotel MacDonald
- Paint a watercolour picture
- Do an over night kayak trip on the West Coast
- Can my own raspberries and peaches
- Grow a vegetable garden
- Learn to belly-dance
- Plan a wardrobe with an image consultant
- Take a writing class
- Write a book
- Take my daughter to
- Find a creative collaborator and launch a new artistic creation
- Start a mastermind group
- Learn how to cook Indian Food (East Indian not Native Indian!)
- Finish reading 10 books I’ve started but never finished
- Learn how to change the oil in my vehicle
- Go cross-country skiing at
- Swim in a lake
- Do yoga four times in a month
- Learn to play a song on the guitar
- Take my parents out for dinner
- Have a girls night out at the Creperie
- Explore all of the off-leash dog parks in
- Take K swimming with the dolphins
- Double my current average monthly earnings
- Triple my current average monthly earnings
- Drive through the Okanagan when the cherry blossoms are out
- Take my dog to agility training.
- Buy some beautiful new bath towels
- Have a makeover with my daughter
- Learn 10 new vegetarian recipes
- Visit
- Have a pedicure
- Spend an entire day reading.
- Complete an entire course of The Artist’s Way
- Attend a play
- Become involved in a political cause
- Perform a recital in
- Host a cooking bee with friends
- Go strawberry picking
- Pick wild blueberries or saskatoons
- Visit a lake in
- Go for a sauna at my cousin’s
- Stay overnight at my aunt’s
- Visit the Devonian Botanical Gardens
- Get a fancy camera and learn how to take pictures that are true to what I see
- Dye my hair platinum blonde
- Lose twenty pounds
- Make a new friend
- Get pet insurance
- Have disposable income
- Split my disposable income into funds for Financial Freedom, Education, Fun, Charity and Major Purchases/Travelling
- Have 10 date nights with my husband
- Learn how to do basic wiring
- Learn how to drywall
- Learn how to install flooring
- Start a fund to save for my parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary
- Get a headstone for my father-in-law’s grave
- Train Riley so well that she’ll stay outside of a store while I run in for a few minutes (to get coffee!)
- Do an overnight hike with K and G
- Go to a naturopath to get in tip top health
- Wear a bikini proudly
- Have a glamour photo shoot done of myself
- Try 5 new red wines
- Buy a pair of dead sexy, totally frivolous shoes
- Transfer all of our pictures onto CDs
- Make a CD of Cara and Justin’s wedding photos and give it to them
- Learn a Mozart concert aria
- Organize all of my files
- Sort through and store all of my daughter’s toys
- Have a professional family portrait taken
- Buy new bras
- Start the habit of taking a multivitamin everyday (cross this off after a consistent 6 weeks)
- Paint pottery with my daughter
- Make a scrapbook of Cath’s birthday and send to her
- Read about the situation in the middle east and develop my own opinions on what is happening there
- Follow politics everyday for a month
- Frame my degrees and hang them up
- Teach my daughter to jump double-dutch
- Read 5 books about a culture I don’t know about
- Be able to identify all the countries on a map of
- Be able to identify all the countries on a map of
- Buy a new swimsuit
- Sew myself something
- Make my dad a carrot cake
- Add 5 new fish recipes to my repertoire
- Find a place to buy good smoked whitefish
- Learn how to do Powerpoint
- Finish my bucket list
- Get business cards made
- Make a business plan
- Designate guardians for my daughter
- Own 5 cat and dog-safe houseplants
- Comb all of the knots out of my kitty’s coat and get it looking lustrous
- Top secret!
- Have two sets of sheets, pillowcases and duvet covers
As you can see, once I got going I thought of all kinds of things to do! I have a few extras that I've decided to leave on the list in case some of the others are either unmanageable or cease to interest me.
It's a cliche because it's true - life is short. I don't know about you, but here's how I plan to jam pack it as full of good stuff as I can!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Oh Canada!
It's so gratifying to see all of the proud red and white and the maple leaves gracing the profile pictures of my friends on Facebook today. We may not have the "rah, rah" of our neighbours to the south, but don't mistake that for anything less than a fierce pride in living in what we think is the greatest country on the planet!
The winter Olympics in Vancouver was a turning point for our country I think. We proved to the world that for a land as big as ours and as sparsely populated as we are for our size, we can hold our own on the world stage. Canadians were united in our pride for this land and it was a thing of beauty. It made my heart swell to hear our anthem being played as our athletes won medal after medal.
We are facing another turning point in our history. We have just elected a majority government that intends to make some big changes to the fabric of this land. What will our country look like in four or five years? What will our reputation be like? Will we still be "the greatest" country in the world?
Our current leadership has drafted a bill that allows unwarranted internet taps. They are also negotiating a trade agreement known as CETA with the European Union that will allow for access to goods and services currently provided by the public sector - things like garbage collection, road maintenance and our water. Our governments could also be sued by European corporations if they think a decision will affect their future profits. Is this the Canada we want?
If you haven't heard about these issues, please educate yourselves. They have the potential to change our nation for generations to come.
When you sing our anthem and say those words "...the true north, strong and free", what does that mean to you? How do we as proud citizens insure that we stay free?
(Here are links to some information on these issues. Keep in mind this is not the whole picture. I encourage you to seek other information and to learn as much as you can before making up your own minds.)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/tabatha-southey/ottawa-to-contract-out-spying-but-who-cares-its-only-the-internet/article2075104/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQPh_YSnkVI
The winter Olympics in Vancouver was a turning point for our country I think. We proved to the world that for a land as big as ours and as sparsely populated as we are for our size, we can hold our own on the world stage. Canadians were united in our pride for this land and it was a thing of beauty. It made my heart swell to hear our anthem being played as our athletes won medal after medal.
We are facing another turning point in our history. We have just elected a majority government that intends to make some big changes to the fabric of this land. What will our country look like in four or five years? What will our reputation be like? Will we still be "the greatest" country in the world?
Our current leadership has drafted a bill that allows unwarranted internet taps. They are also negotiating a trade agreement known as CETA with the European Union that will allow for access to goods and services currently provided by the public sector - things like garbage collection, road maintenance and our water. Our governments could also be sued by European corporations if they think a decision will affect their future profits. Is this the Canada we want?
If you haven't heard about these issues, please educate yourselves. They have the potential to change our nation for generations to come.
When you sing our anthem and say those words "...the true north, strong and free", what does that mean to you? How do we as proud citizens insure that we stay free?
(Here are links to some information on these issues. Keep in mind this is not the whole picture. I encourage you to seek other information and to learn as much as you can before making up your own minds.)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/tabatha-southey/ottawa-to-contract-out-spying-but-who-cares-its-only-the-internet/article2075104/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQPh_YSnkVI
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