A few days ago a musician acquaintance who is my friend on Facebook posted that she was considering getting a puppy and was looking for feedback. I freely shared my experience with her and posted that having a puppy was like having a baby - a lot of work! A few posts later, one of her friends made the comment that having a puppy was nothing like having a baby - you can't leave a baby in a crate for a few hours! Aside from the fact that she totally missed the point I was trying to make about the amount of work required, I still maintain that puppies and babies have a lot in common. In fact, I think I would go so far as to say that the dog training I have done recently has given me a lot to think about in my dealings with my daughter, and with other human beings as well.
Fifteen years ago when we got our first puppy, we took him to puppy classes. I remember in those classes the focus on establishing yourself as the "alpha" of the pack. Usually this was achieved by things such as throwing him on his back and staring him down until he did the doggy equivalent of saying "uncle". It was about a show of strength and by belittling or demeaning your dog. I was never very good at it.
Times have changed. We now have a new dog - Riley. We adopted her from the Humane Society as an adult dog several months ago and enrolled her in obedience training. I am proud to say that she is a recent graduate of the "Feisty Fido" class. This class was designed especially for dogs like her with excitability issues and I have to say, it's been a revelation.
In this class we have learned to build a positive trust relationship with our dogs. The word "alpha" or dominant have never come up in class. It's all about positive reinforcement and negative punishment. But the negative punishment isn't what you might think - essentially, the punishment is the lack of positive reward. No belittling, no power struggles.
How would parenting be different if we applied this principle? Or even our interactions with other adults? Instead of jockeying for position, what if we sought to build a trust relationship and perhaps even show real leadership?
I've had an issue in my life that has been slowly developing over the course of several months. Last week, this issue came to a head. There was a boundary that had been crossed and there was a need to assert myself. Although I tried to handle this situation with as much grace as I could and to still allow the other party their dignity, I'm not sure I achieved that goal. I have heard that the person that I stood up to was contrite. Not exactly what I was hoping for. Why is it so difficult with some people? They behave like a dog baring its teeth and jockeying for a higher position and when they are shown the boundary, they put their tail between their legs. I think, "why are you trying to pull this dominance business on me?" I'd much rather continue to build the relationship and the trust bond than to throw you down and take the piss out of you.
Are there dogs and people that don't respond to a reasonable approach? Or is just that my technique still rough?
I'd like to believe the latter is true. I remember reading once that the first rule of dog training is be smarter than the dog. Perhaps this is true with people too.
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