Reinvention

A couple of things happened in the last few days to bring the topic of reinvention to my consciousness.  It started with Indiana Jones.

Yes, you read that right.  My life's epiphanies are precipitated by a fictional character in a fedora.  Well, perhaps it would be more accurate to say that they are precipitated by my childhood crush!  But I digress...

Back to the topic at hand.  Harrison Ford was a crush of mine from the time I first saw Star Wars in the late seventies.  I loved the characters he played, and as I got older and learned more about him, I developed a respect for his craftsmanship and the down-to-earth way he lived in spite of his fame.  I also respected the fact that he was married to a woman who was not simply a bombshell, but had a vibrant career of her own and struck me as being his equal.  Then he had his "mid-life crisis".  He divorced his wife of some twenty-odd years, got his ear pierced and took up with Calista Flockhart.  I was devastated.

It seems weird, even to me, to be upset with the life changes of someone I don't know, so I can't imagine what it would be like to have someone important and intimate in your life make those kinds of changes.  But my crush on him was something that helped define me, so when he changed, it left me feeling unsettled.

Early in the week we went to the funeral of a friend's mother.  She did the same thing as Harrison Ford.  Although she wasn't a famous Hollywood star, in her fifties or early sixties she decided to divorce, change her name and live a different life.  Then a few days later I was at work and struck up a conversation with one of the teachers at the school I work at.  She spent many years in a loveless marriage for the sake of her children and had recently divorced her husband and moved halfway across the country to start over.  Her adult children were sad about the changes she had made and didn't want to visit her in her new life.  They were deeply affected by her decision.

What these women did took courage.  Immense courage. To do what they felt was best for them in spite of other's reservations.  So I applauded them.   It was easy to do that because I wasn't personally affected by their decisions.

Generally speaking as people, we dislike change.  When someone close to us decides to change their life, it affects us.  Their presence in our lives helps to define who we are, and if they change, then we have to adapt and adjust as well.  It's not always easy, but I think that accepting people for who they are and allowing them to grow and change is a real gift.

After hearing the stories of these women and giving it some thought, I've realized that change takes courage and that it's not up to me to insist that everyone stay the same just so I don't have to deal with it.  This brings me back around to Harrison Ford and I'd like to leave you all with this quote by the man himself.

"I am not the first man who wanted to make changes in his life at 60 and I won't be the last. It is just that others can do it with anonymity. I was interested in changing my life. I have always had the ability to change and become other people through my acting. I took a good look at myself and decided I wanted something different from the way I was living. That's not such a bad thing, is it? But, because of my past, I think it took a lot of people by surprise. They wondered what was happening to me. I was very much aware of what was happening. I'm living the way I want to live."

I'm smiling and shaking my head as I write this because I realize how ridiculous it sounds, but Mr. Ford - I forgive you.