Changing your mind

Do you have certain thoughts that plague you?  Do you find yourself fixating on the same scenarios over and over?  I do.

Usually they are thoughts of lack.  Not enough.  Can't.  Won't be able to. 

Or alternately, I'll have to.  

As an artist I have become familiar with these thoughts and should know by now that they aren't real.  They are figments of my imagination.  But yet, they are so addictive.  And potent.  They are seductive and make me believe that this time they're real.  This time that disaster really will happen, because I've managed to prevent it all those other times.  Oddly enough that doesn't lead me to believe I can handle it, nooooo, it insists that this is the time that my luck is going to finally run out. 

Although I can't say for certain, if I were a betting woman, I'd bet that everyone has these kinds of thoughts from time to time.  And you know what I think about them?  I think that the trick isn't to not ever have them, the trick is, how to manage them.

I don't claim to be an expert at this, but I'm learning. 

I had one of those moments today.  I had too much coffee and I was feeling a lot of anxiety about money.  Always money.  And for no real good reason.  So I called a friend. After I hung up the phone, I felt worse because I knew that it was the same old song and dance, and they've heard it a billion times.  So I cleaned my fridge.  (That's kind of an interesting way to deal with your psychological problems right?)  Well, I can't say it helped me, but after wallowing in my frustration and anxiety for a while, I decided to take action.  First, I started by looking for a job.  Just a regular, run of the mill, j-o-b.  Did it help?  Nope.  It made me depressed to think that with the amount of education and life experience I have gleaned I would be reduced to some of the things I was looking at.  And then inspiration hit. 

Screw you negativity!  Take THAT you negative thoughts.  I am worthy.  I can do it.   I will do it.  I am enough, I have enough, and I can make a change. 

So what has really changed here?  Did I suddenly come up with a brilliant idea that will make me a mint in the next 24 hours?  Nope.  The only thing different here is my mind.  I decided to change it.  I didn't like feeling powerless so I embraced my power.  I sat down here and wrote about it and in the process I transformed those feelings of anxiety and powerlessness into something different.  And now, I feel like I can tackle the world.

So I leave you with this question.  What does it take for you to change your  mind?