Last week, Ashley Callingbull was crowned Mrs. Universe in an international beauty pageant. Beauty pageants are generally something that hold little interest for me (and that's putting it diplomatically). This particular win was newsworthy in a couple of ways. First of all, a First Nations Canadian woman won for the first time. Secondly, she is not like most pageant winners seem to be - beautiful, but that's all we see.
Shortly after being crowned, she was using her newfound fame to bring attention to issues affecting First Nations people, and urging them to vote in the upcoming Federal Election. This has brought out supporters and haters, and has opened up some discussion about First Nations people in our country.
I spent a good part of yesterday engaged in some of these conversations. They weren't exclusively about Aboriginal issues, but rather about cultural differences and issues of race and racism. Some of the conversations were face to face, some online. Some of them were enlightening, some of them were frustrating. For some of them, I was a silent observer, not a participant. For some, I felt I couldn't stay silent, and for others I expended tremendous effort to bite my tongue. I finished my day feeling....exhausted.
But you know what? I get to go back to being white today, and could ignore it all if I so choose.
That's white privilege.
The energy it took to decide whether or not a particular conversation was worth having, whether the other party would even be able to hear what I had to say, was monumental. Yet I can choose to engage in these conversations, or leave them. Many people have no such luxury. To deal with the blind stupidity of some people, the bald untruths and falsehoods perpetuated by others, and even the grasping at understanding of the best intentioned people can be difficult.
This isn't to say that just because these conversations are difficult, that we shouldn't try to have them. It also isn't to say that I have ANY answers, or that I'm not guilty of my own misunderstandings, in spite of my best intentions. It is to say that I have had a peek into an insider's perspective on race and racism in this country. I'd like to think that part of that has been because I've been open-minded and eager to learn, but a good part of it has also been because I have had patient teachers. Being part of a First Nations/Metis family for the better part of almost twenty-five years, I have learned so much. There is still so much work to do, both in the world, and in myself.
I chose to spend the day - ONE DAY - discussing this, witnessing it, engaging with it, and I'm filled with a combination of despair, frustration and anger. I get to walk away from it at any time if I want to. To deal with it day, after day, after day, over the course of a lifetime with grace, calm and patience, without getting to decide that you want a day off? Wow. Respect.
