A few days ago a musician acquaintance who is my friend on Facebook posted that she was considering getting a puppy and was looking for feedback. I freely shared my experience with her and posted that having a puppy was like having a baby - a lot of work! A few posts later, one of her friends made the comment that having a puppy was nothing like having a baby - you can't leave a baby in a crate for a few hours! Aside from the fact that she totally missed the point I was trying to make about the amount of work required, I still maintain that puppies and babies have a lot in common. In fact, I think I would go so far as to say that the dog training I have done recently has given me a lot to think about in my dealings with my daughter, and with other human beings as well.
Fifteen years ago when we got our first puppy, we took him to puppy classes. I remember in those classes the focus on establishing yourself as the "alpha" of the pack. Usually this was achieved by things such as throwing him on his back and staring him down until he did the doggy equivalent of saying "uncle". It was about a show of strength and by belittling or demeaning your dog. I was never very good at it.
Times have changed. We now have a new dog - Riley. We adopted her from the Humane Society as an adult dog several months ago and enrolled her in obedience training. I am proud to say that she is a recent graduate of the "Feisty Fido" class. This class was designed especially for dogs like her with excitability issues and I have to say, it's been a revelation.
In this class we have learned to build a positive trust relationship with our dogs. The word "alpha" or dominant have never come up in class. It's all about positive reinforcement and negative punishment. But the negative punishment isn't what you might think - essentially, the punishment is the lack of positive reward. No belittling, no power struggles.
How would parenting be different if we applied this principle? Or even our interactions with other adults? Instead of jockeying for position, what if we sought to build a trust relationship and perhaps even show real leadership?
I've had an issue in my life that has been slowly developing over the course of several months. Last week, this issue came to a head. There was a boundary that had been crossed and there was a need to assert myself. Although I tried to handle this situation with as much grace as I could and to still allow the other party their dignity, I'm not sure I achieved that goal. I have heard that the person that I stood up to was contrite. Not exactly what I was hoping for. Why is it so difficult with some people? They behave like a dog baring its teeth and jockeying for a higher position and when they are shown the boundary, they put their tail between their legs. I think, "why are you trying to pull this dominance business on me?" I'd much rather continue to build the relationship and the trust bond than to throw you down and take the piss out of you.
Are there dogs and people that don't respond to a reasonable approach? Or is just that my technique still rough?
I'd like to believe the latter is true. I remember reading once that the first rule of dog training is be smarter than the dog. Perhaps this is true with people too.
Thursday, July 14, 2011
Sunday, July 10, 2011
101 in 1001
A couple of weeks ago on a Monday morning my husband and I awoke, showered and got dressed so we could attend the funeral of our friend's mother. She was only 63.
After the funeral, we got into our vehicle and drove home. Both of our hearts were heavy. We both understood all too well the family's feeling of loss.
This year I have seen the death of my father-in-law, and it seems that every time I turn around I hear of the death of another friend's parent. This makes me incredibly sad for my friends and grateful that I still have both of my parents. The deaths that have been in my circle of friends feels like a whisper from the universe – “pay attention”. As Oprah Winfrey says, when you don’t listen to the whispers, they turn into shouts, and then one day you find the universe kicking you upside of the head. Something drastic happens and you have no choice but to pay attention.
Finally this death prompted me to start paying attention. Something changed. Maybe I was inspired by this woman's determination to change her life in spite of her age and circumstances. Or maybe I'd just reached my limit - I don't know. But when we drove home that day I had decided that I wasn't going to let my life just keep on floating past me. The end comes too swiftly, and we never really know when it will be our turn.
It's way too easy to get caught up in our own busy-ness. At least it is for me. But when the crunch comes, we make time to be with our friends and family in their time of need. Why do we wait until the end to do this?
So I made a vow to myself that I would make a change. I don’t want to wait for “someday”. Although I think that I will likely have many more years with all of my loved ones, I don’t know that for sure. And what if I’m wrong? Are there things I want to do or to say? Yes!
As we drove home I said to my husband, "I want to go on that river canoe trip with my dad that we've always talked about. I want to do it this summer." His response was simple. "Do it."
After I came home and went about my day, these thoughts continued to rumbling around in my head. What experiences am I putting off? What memories do I wish to create? And why am I waiting?
So I sat down and started a “bucket list” – ie. things I want to do before I kick the bucket. Then I remembered the list my friend Jeanine wrote up. It was 101 things to do in 1001 days, because "someday" is too nebulous.
Here it is.
After the funeral, we got into our vehicle and drove home. Both of our hearts were heavy. We both understood all too well the family's feeling of loss.
This year I have seen the death of my father-in-law, and it seems that every time I turn around I hear of the death of another friend's parent. This makes me incredibly sad for my friends and grateful that I still have both of my parents. The deaths that have been in my circle of friends feels like a whisper from the universe – “pay attention”. As Oprah Winfrey says, when you don’t listen to the whispers, they turn into shouts, and then one day you find the universe kicking you upside of the head. Something drastic happens and you have no choice but to pay attention.
Finally this death prompted me to start paying attention. Something changed. Maybe I was inspired by this woman's determination to change her life in spite of her age and circumstances. Or maybe I'd just reached my limit - I don't know. But when we drove home that day I had decided that I wasn't going to let my life just keep on floating past me. The end comes too swiftly, and we never really know when it will be our turn.
It's way too easy to get caught up in our own busy-ness. At least it is for me. But when the crunch comes, we make time to be with our friends and family in their time of need. Why do we wait until the end to do this?
So I made a vow to myself that I would make a change. I don’t want to wait for “someday”. Although I think that I will likely have many more years with all of my loved ones, I don’t know that for sure. And what if I’m wrong? Are there things I want to do or to say? Yes!
As we drove home I said to my husband, "I want to go on that river canoe trip with my dad that we've always talked about. I want to do it this summer." His response was simple. "Do it."
After I came home and went about my day, these thoughts continued to rumbling around in my head. What experiences am I putting off? What memories do I wish to create? And why am I waiting?
So I sat down and started a “bucket list” – ie. things I want to do before I kick the bucket. Then I remembered the list my friend Jeanine wrote up. It was 101 things to do in 1001 days, because "someday" is too nebulous.
Here it is.
- Learn how to spin wool
- Buy a house
- Take a canoe trip down the
- Travel to
- See a musical on Broadway
- See an opera at the Met
- Have high tea at Rutherford House
- Do an overnight trail ride
- Have high tea at the Empress in
- Have high tea at the Hotel MacDonald
- Paint a watercolour picture
- Do an over night kayak trip on the West Coast
- Can my own raspberries and peaches
- Grow a vegetable garden
- Learn to belly-dance
- Plan a wardrobe with an image consultant
- Take a writing class
- Write a book
- Take my daughter to
- Find a creative collaborator and launch a new artistic creation
- Start a mastermind group
- Learn how to cook Indian Food (East Indian not Native Indian!)
- Finish reading 10 books I’ve started but never finished
- Learn how to change the oil in my vehicle
- Go cross-country skiing at
- Swim in a lake
- Do yoga four times in a month
- Learn to play a song on the guitar
- Take my parents out for dinner
- Have a girls night out at the Creperie
- Explore all of the off-leash dog parks in
- Take K swimming with the dolphins
- Double my current average monthly earnings
- Triple my current average monthly earnings
- Drive through the Okanagan when the cherry blossoms are out
- Take my dog to agility training.
- Buy some beautiful new bath towels
- Have a makeover with my daughter
- Learn 10 new vegetarian recipes
- Visit
- Have a pedicure
- Spend an entire day reading.
- Complete an entire course of The Artist’s Way
- Attend a play
- Become involved in a political cause
- Perform a recital in
- Host a cooking bee with friends
- Go strawberry picking
- Pick wild blueberries or saskatoons
- Visit a lake in
- Go for a sauna at my cousin’s
- Stay overnight at my aunt’s
- Visit the Devonian Botanical Gardens
- Get a fancy camera and learn how to take pictures that are true to what I see
- Dye my hair platinum blonde
- Lose twenty pounds
- Make a new friend
- Get pet insurance
- Have disposable income
- Split my disposable income into funds for Financial Freedom, Education, Fun, Charity and Major Purchases/Travelling
- Have 10 date nights with my husband
- Learn how to do basic wiring
- Learn how to drywall
- Learn how to install flooring
- Start a fund to save for my parent’s 50th Wedding Anniversary
- Get a headstone for my father-in-law’s grave
- Train Riley so well that she’ll stay outside of a store while I run in for a few minutes (to get coffee!)
- Do an overnight hike with K and G
- Go to a naturopath to get in tip top health
- Wear a bikini proudly
- Have a glamour photo shoot done of myself
- Try 5 new red wines
- Buy a pair of dead sexy, totally frivolous shoes
- Transfer all of our pictures onto CDs
- Make a CD of Cara and Justin’s wedding photos and give it to them
- Learn a Mozart concert aria
- Organize all of my files
- Sort through and store all of my daughter’s toys
- Have a professional family portrait taken
- Buy new bras
- Start the habit of taking a multivitamin everyday (cross this off after a consistent 6 weeks)
- Paint pottery with my daughter
- Make a scrapbook of Cath’s birthday and send to her
- Read about the situation in the middle east and develop my own opinions on what is happening there
- Follow politics everyday for a month
- Frame my degrees and hang them up
- Teach my daughter to jump double-dutch
- Read 5 books about a culture I don’t know about
- Be able to identify all the countries on a map of
- Be able to identify all the countries on a map of
- Buy a new swimsuit
- Sew myself something
- Make my dad a carrot cake
- Add 5 new fish recipes to my repertoire
- Find a place to buy good smoked whitefish
- Learn how to do Powerpoint
- Finish my bucket list
- Get business cards made
- Make a business plan
- Designate guardians for my daughter
- Own 5 cat and dog-safe houseplants
- Comb all of the knots out of my kitty’s coat and get it looking lustrous
- Top secret!
- Have two sets of sheets, pillowcases and duvet covers
As you can see, once I got going I thought of all kinds of things to do! I have a few extras that I've decided to leave on the list in case some of the others are either unmanageable or cease to interest me.
It's a cliche because it's true - life is short. I don't know about you, but here's how I plan to jam pack it as full of good stuff as I can!
Friday, July 1, 2011
Oh Canada!
It's so gratifying to see all of the proud red and white and the maple leaves gracing the profile pictures of my friends on Facebook today. We may not have the "rah, rah" of our neighbours to the south, but don't mistake that for anything less than a fierce pride in living in what we think is the greatest country on the planet!
The winter Olympics in Vancouver was a turning point for our country I think. We proved to the world that for a land as big as ours and as sparsely populated as we are for our size, we can hold our own on the world stage. Canadians were united in our pride for this land and it was a thing of beauty. It made my heart swell to hear our anthem being played as our athletes won medal after medal.
We are facing another turning point in our history. We have just elected a majority government that intends to make some big changes to the fabric of this land. What will our country look like in four or five years? What will our reputation be like? Will we still be "the greatest" country in the world?
Our current leadership has drafted a bill that allows unwarranted internet taps. They are also negotiating a trade agreement known as CETA with the European Union that will allow for access to goods and services currently provided by the public sector - things like garbage collection, road maintenance and our water. Our governments could also be sued by European corporations if they think a decision will affect their future profits. Is this the Canada we want?
If you haven't heard about these issues, please educate yourselves. They have the potential to change our nation for generations to come.
When you sing our anthem and say those words "...the true north, strong and free", what does that mean to you? How do we as proud citizens insure that we stay free?
(Here are links to some information on these issues. Keep in mind this is not the whole picture. I encourage you to seek other information and to learn as much as you can before making up your own minds.)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/tabatha-southey/ottawa-to-contract-out-spying-but-who-cares-its-only-the-internet/article2075104/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQPh_YSnkVI
The winter Olympics in Vancouver was a turning point for our country I think. We proved to the world that for a land as big as ours and as sparsely populated as we are for our size, we can hold our own on the world stage. Canadians were united in our pride for this land and it was a thing of beauty. It made my heart swell to hear our anthem being played as our athletes won medal after medal.
We are facing another turning point in our history. We have just elected a majority government that intends to make some big changes to the fabric of this land. What will our country look like in four or five years? What will our reputation be like? Will we still be "the greatest" country in the world?
Our current leadership has drafted a bill that allows unwarranted internet taps. They are also negotiating a trade agreement known as CETA with the European Union that will allow for access to goods and services currently provided by the public sector - things like garbage collection, road maintenance and our water. Our governments could also be sued by European corporations if they think a decision will affect their future profits. Is this the Canada we want?
If you haven't heard about these issues, please educate yourselves. They have the potential to change our nation for generations to come.
When you sing our anthem and say those words "...the true north, strong and free", what does that mean to you? How do we as proud citizens insure that we stay free?
(Here are links to some information on these issues. Keep in mind this is not the whole picture. I encourage you to seek other information and to learn as much as you can before making up your own minds.)
http://www.theglobeandmail.com/news/opinions/tabatha-southey/ottawa-to-contract-out-spying-but-who-cares-its-only-the-internet/article2075104/
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQPh_YSnkVI
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